I was MORTIFIED! Would they please just look away? Please???
Have you ever wished you could just disappear? I was there.
Kids would stare me down. Adults constantly asked me if I was cold. My husband said he slept in a vibrating bed. Yes… it was even happening in my sleep. Old home videos show my inability to control my body and the negative energy that had settled in as nothing short of a curse.
I have motor ticks. Quick, involuntary movements of the body escalating over twenty years from occasionally twitching my head, squinting my eyes, making high-pitched sounds, scrunching my fingers, and even flaring my nostrils to what eventually appeared to be full body, seizure-like flinches happening all day, every day.
I was a constant bundle of nerves and jumble of flinches. Peace no longer existed.
Eventually I found myself in the Neurologist’s office. It didn’t help. She determined what I already knew…that I was pretty close to complete dysfunction.
This mother of 4 active littles with a busy home décor business, a time-consuming church calling, and getting VERY LITTLE sleep was the perfect victim for an attack on the nervous system. And it got me!
My prayers had been ongoing… literally for years. But that night, my prayers were particularly poignant.
“God, are you there?? I’m in a deep hole and can’t get out. Please hear me!”
Have you ever felt that way? That you were at the end of your rope and was it even possible to ever climb back up? That all you had left was to give yourself entirely up to God’s will?
I fell into bed truly defeated. I was done.
The next day dawned and unbelievably… so did my new life.
Not a single flinch for TEN days!
IT WAS AN ABSOLUTE MIRACLE! He had heard my pleadings and rescued me from my misery. Through Christ’s atonement, I felt whole.
Those ten days gave me confidence to close our business. So we did. It gave me added faith. It gave me hope that I could find permanent solutions to my problems. So I tackled my eating, sleeping and stress relieving habits. And while my flinching occasionally returns, it no longer controls me. He had given me the power to truly work it out.
It was so humbling and powerful for me. I could see that, with God, all things were possible and that I could change and be made whole again.
And so can you!
We all flinch in one way or another. It may be a sin, a weakness, a struggle or a fear. Sometimes flinching takes over our lives. Sometimes it stays for years. Other times it stays for a moment, yet makes its mark for a lifetime. It is real and burdening and robs us of our peace.
But, it does not truly define us. It is not who we are.
We are women who endure and plead in faith for God’s help and he makes us whole through Christ and His Atonement. This is what defines us. This is what shows who we really are and who we have ALWAYS been.
Sheri Dew, former counselor in the Relief Society General Presidency, said,
“We were there when our Father presented His plan, and we saw the Savior chosen and appointed and, as the Prophet Joseph taught, we “sanctioned it”. We were there among the heavenly host who sang and shouted for joy. And when Satan unleashed his anger against the Father and the Son and was cast out of heaven, we were there, fighting on the side of truth. In fact, President George Q. Cannon said that we ‘stood loyally by God and by Jesus, and…did not flinch.’ We believed. We followed. And when we fought for truth in the most bitter of all confrontations, we did not flinch.”
That was us! That IS us!
Regardless of what may hold us back here on earth, we must always remember that we are more than this moment. That with all of our imperfections, we can be perfect in standing with the Savior.
So, how do we do that? Here are 4 simple ways:
- PRAY!!! Heavenly Father loves when we seek Him in heartfelt prayer. It shows our commitment to Him. It strengthens our resolve and gives us hope. It brings comfort through the Holy Ghost. We tap into the Atonement and access the love of the Savior. All 3 members of the Godhead have direct communication with us. How powerful!
- Scripture study every day! Including the words of living prophets, adds even more to our experience. We all have good study days and not so good study days, but I truly believe that it is in the very act of doing what the Lord has asked us to do, that He strengthens us, regardless of how we are feeling that day. So keep studying!
- Hang pictures of Christ around our homes. The more we see His face, the more we are reminded of what is most important. It helps us keep the correct perspective.
- Let us fill our minds with positivity. We learn in the scriptures that light attracteth light. Tell yourself OUT LOUD that you are strong and capable and adored by the Savior. I have personally felt the spirit so strong as I have told myself positive things. There is power in positivity. It is light. And from that, we will attract the light of Christ into our lives.
So, in those moments of wishing we could just disappear, why don’t we pledge to truly show up! Let us pray longer, study harder, fill our minds with light, and understand that we are not our flinches. That we take our true worth from the moments that we stand with Jesus Christ.
John 16:33 says, “In me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation, but be of good cheer. I have overcome the world.”
And through Him, so will we!
Kit Gardiner lives in beautiful Heber City, Utah, with her cute, bald husband and 4 super fun kids, ages 12-18. Kit loves to play with her family and friends, cheer at her kids’ soccer games, bake treats every day, and dream up the cutest little white farmhouse ever! She is the founder of EVE (@everydayvoicesevents on Instagram), a company focused on everyday women and their stories of faith. Kit is a convert to the LDS church, served a mission to Brazil, and graduated from the U of U in Broadcast Journalism. Oh, and she LOVES the color yellow!:)
Subscribe to receive your free 8x10 downloadable print of "The Living Christ"